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Troop 641 Campfire Skits

 

"Bridge to Eagle"
This is a skit that Steve the Great wrote, basing it off a scene from the classic Monty Python and the Holy Grail. Change the names as necessary.

BRIAN, MR. OBVIOUS, JR., and the SENIOR PATROL LEADER walk up to the bridge.  The WEIRD MAN is on it.

WEIRD MAN: "Halt!  This is the Bridge of Truth!  Whoever crosses it must answer three questions.  If any question is answered incorrectly, you shall be thrown off the bridge into the Pit to Death."

BRIAN walks up to the WEIRD MAN.

WEIRD MAN: "What is your name?"

BRIAN: "Brian."

WEIRD MAN: "What is your quest?"

BRIAN: "I seek the Eagle badge.."

WEIRD MAN: "What is you favorite color?"

BRIAN: "Blue."  As he flies off, he shouts, "Pink!"

MR. OBVIOUS, JR.: "Oh, that's easy."  Walks up to the WEIRD MAN.

WEIRD MAN: '"What is your name?"

MR. OBVIOUS, JR.: "Mr. Obvious, Jr."

WEIRD MAN: "What is your quest?"

MR. OBVIOUS, JR.: "I seek the Eagle badge."

WEIRD MAN: "What is cube root of the natural logarithm of 8,674 squared over pi?"

MR. OBVIOUS, JR.: "Uhhhhh... four?"  He flies off the bridge.

SENIOR PATROL LEADER steps up.

WEIRD MAN: "What is your name?"

SENIOR PATROL LEADER: "David, Senior Patrol Leader."

WEIRD MAN: "What is your quest?"

SENIOR PATROL LEADER: "I seek the Eagle badge."

WEIRD MAN: "What is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?"

SENIOR PATROL LEADER: "African or European?"

WEIRD MAN: "What?  I don't know!"  He flies off the bridge.

SENIOR PATROL LEADER crosses it.

 

"The Pink Elephant Story"
This is a long story I heard at a Camp Hook campfire a few years back.  Be warned: its telling often brings on rain.  Adjust details for your location.

"I am going to tell you how to catch a pink elephant.  Now, everybody knows about the two types of gray elephants, African and Asian.  But there are yet two more: the blue and the pink.  Don't bother with the blue elephants, because anybody can catch a blue elephant.  The pink elephant, however, is extremely hard to catch.  It likes raisins and lives in the deepest, darkest part of the African jungle.

"On the first day, you make a five-raisin pie.  You take this pie to the Cincinnati airport and fly to New York.  You get a connection and fly to Africa, where you rent a jeep.  You take this jeep to the deepest darkest part of the jungle.  You get out of the jeep, walk down a path, past the blue elephants.  But don't go there, because anybody can catch a blue elephant.  You continue down the path to the pink elephants.  You put out your five-raisin pie.  The pink elephant comes along and eats it.  You take the pie pan, walk back up the path, past the blue elephants, but don't go there because anybody can catch a blue elephant.  You get in your jeep, drive to the African airport and fly to New York.  You get a connection, and fly to Cincinnati.  The end of the day.

"On the second day, you make a four-raisin pie.  You take this pie to the Cincinnati airport and fly to New York.  You get a connection and fly to Africa, where you rent a jeep.  You take this jeep to the deepest darkest part of the jungle.  You get out of the jeep, walk down a path, past the blue elephants.  But don't go there, because anybody can catch a blue elephant.  You continue down the path to the pink elephants.  You put out your four-raisin pie.  The pink elephant comes along and eats it.  You take the pie pan, walk back up the path, past the blue elephants, but don't go there because anybody can catch a blue elephant.  You get in your jeep, drive to the African airport and fly to New York.  You get a connection, and fly to Cincinnati.  The end of the day.

"On the third day, you make a three-raisin pie.  You take this pie to the Cincinnati airport and fly to New York.  You get a connection and fly to Africa, where you rent a jeep.  You take this jeep to the deepest darkest part of the jungle.  You get out of the jeep, walk down a path, past the blue elephants.  But don't go there, because anybody can catch a blue elephant.  You continue down the path to the pink elephants.  You put out your three-raisin pie.  The pink elephant comes along and eats it.  You take the pie pan, walk back up the path, past the blue elephants, but don't go there because anybody can catch a blue elephant.  You get in your jeep, drive to the African airport and fly to New York.  You get a connection, and fly to Cincinnati.  The end of the day.

"On the fourth day, you make a two-raisin pie.  You take this pie to the Cincinnati airport and fly to New York.  You get a connection and fly to Africa, where you rent a jeep.  You take this jeep to the deepest darkest part of the jungle.  You get out of the jeep, walk down a path, past the blue elephants.  But don't go there, because anybody can catch a blue elephant.  You continue down the path to the pink elephants.  You put out your two-raisin pie.  The pink elephant comes along and eats it.  You take the pie pan, walk back up the path, past the blue elephants, but don't go there because anybody can catch a blue elephant.  You get in your jeep, drive to the African airport and fly to New York.  You get a connection, and fly to Cincinnati.  The end of the day.

"On the fifth day, you make a one-raisin pie.  You take this pie to the Cincinnati airport and fly to New York.  You get a connection and fly to Africa, where you rent a jeep.  You take this jeep to the deepest darkest part of the jungle.  You get out of the jeep, walk down a path, past the blue elephants.  But don't go there, because anybody can catch a blue elephant.  You continue down the path to the pink elephants.  You put out your one-raisin pie.  The pink elephant comes along and eats it.  You take the pie pan, walk back up the path, past the blue elephants, but don't go there because anybody can catch a blue elephant.  You get in your jeep, drive to the African airport and fly to New York.  You get a connection, and fly to Cincinnati.  The end of the day.

"On the sixth day, you make a no-raisin pie.  You take this pie to the Cincinnati airport and fly to New York.  You get a connection and fly to Africa, where you rent a jeep.  You take this jeep to the deepest darkest part of the jungle.  You get out of the jeep, walk down a path, past the blue elephants.  But don't go there, because anybody can catch a blue elephant.  You continue down the path to the pink elephants.  You put out your no-raisin pie.  The pink elephant comes along and eats it.  When he realizes there's no raisins, he'll become so sad that he'll turn blue.  And anybody can catch a blue elephant."

 

"The Pencils"
This is one of our Troop's trademark skits.  We have seen it elsewhere, but we are the best.

BOSS: "Hey you, peeing in the woods?"

IDIOT: "What?"

BOSS: "Wanna job selling pencils?"

IDIOT: "What do I do?"

BOSS: "Just ask them if they want to buy a pencil."  Hands IDIOT a few pencils.

IDIOT goes off and finds PERSON #1: "Do you wanna buy a pencil?"

PERSON #1: "How much do they cost?"

IDIOT runs crying to his BOSS.  "How much do they cost?"

BOSS: "One for a nickel, three for a dime."

IDIOT runs off to PERSON #2: "Do ya wanna buy a pencil?"

PERSON #2: "How much are they?"

IDIOT: "One for a nickel, three for a dime."

PERSON #2: "Are they any good?"

IDIOT runs crying to his BOSS.  "Are they any good?"

BOSS: "Some are, some aren't."

IDIOT goes to PERSON #3: "Do you wanna buy a pencil?"

PERSON #3: "How much are they?"

IDIOT: "One for a nickel, three for a dime."

PERSON #3: "Are they any good?"

IDIOT: "Some are, some aren't."

PERSON #3: "What'll happen if I don't buy one?"

IDIOT runs away to his BOSS.  "What if they don't buy one?"

BOSS: "If they don't, somebody else will."

IDIOT finds PERSON #4 and knocks his laptop onto the ground: "Do you wanna buy a pencil?"

PERSON #4: "Do you know how much that cost?", pointing at the laptop.

IDIOT: "One for a nickel, three for a dime."

PERSON #4: "Is everyone in your family as retarded as you?"

IDIOT: "Some are, some aren't."

PERSON #4: "What'll happen if I don't punch you?"

IDIOT: "If you don't, somebody else will."

PERSON #4 punches the IDIOT.